What are Good Reasons to Marry?
If you're single, there are reasons to marry and there are good reasons to marry. If you're already married, what were your reasons? Good reasons of just reasons?
And then, there are the deal breakers.
I've met couples who admit that they knew they were making a mistake... at the time of their marriage...even as everyone was celebrating at the reception....They knew they married the wrong person.
Why? ... you may ask? Because... they tell me...they didn't know how to call off all of the preparations and planning and disappoint everyone. WOW. They regretted it later, and usually they are very clear about...what a big mistake it was.
That's not a good reason to marry.
Sometimes it can be easy to get so wrapped up in the idea of marriage, that you blind yourself to very real red flags. It's very common among young women, because this is the fairy tale that most little girls dream about: Marriage to the gallant knight who sweeps you away from all troubles and saves you from all things bad. In spite of its beauty... the fairy tale of the wedding is not a good reason...to marry.
A woman named Janice came to me for advice. She told me that she lives with her 4 year old daughter and her boyfriend of 2 years. They had what I would call a 'live-together' marriage. She wanted very much to get married legally. Her live-together boyfriend has always been very clear that he hates marriage and doesn't want it. She also mentioned that she didn't think that he treated her with respect.
Her question wasn't about his mistreatment of her...it was about whether she and her daughter should move out if he wasn't going to marry her. "Do you think that he will change his mind (about marriage) or should I leave out now?"
Not a good reason to marry.
If you know you want marriage and you knew that that your partner does not want marriage from the start...that's a deal breaker. Janice moved in with a guy who doesn't want what she wants and he was very honest about it.
Was she thinking...that after they lived together...she could get him to change his mind? A big mistake that many people have made. But, as you know, there are books and e-books telling women that you can 'get him to marry you,' make him attracted to you for the rest of your life, catch him (even against his will). That just doesn't seem right...to make women think that they have that power...and to imply that men are just these objects floating around, waiting to be caught.
It really comes down to: do you love this man more than you love the idea of marriage? I would suggest that should determine whether Janice moves out or not.
Some people want to be married, above all else. That does not guarantee love and certainly does not predict that you will be able to make love last.
That's not a good reason to marry.
I know a few couples who have consciously made the decision not to marry because they don't want to 'ruin a good thing.'
That's a good reason.....not to marry.
Don't get me wrong, marriage can be wonderful, but not if one or both of you doesn't really want it. But if someone tells you that he doesn't want marriage you need to believe him. If Janice was able to 'convince' this man to marry her--because he didn't want to lose her--he would just feel trapped and their relationship would be likely to end up as a divorce. I found it striking that Janice does not like the way he treats her, but she implies that she would overlook that, if he were willing to marry her.
And love was not mentioned.
Now.....love..... Love is a good reason to marry..